First published in The Times, Shreveport, LA, November 25, 1994
A Good Woman Will Unlock Her Man’s Car Door
Having been single a while, I have reluctantly been thrust into that process known as “DATING,” and what an experience it has been. First, you have to ask what, exactly, is meant by dating? Is it the search for companionship, sex, a new spouse, or just simply the avoidance of boredom or loneliness? For purposes of this discussion, I’ll call it the search for a Good Woman. (Since I’m not looking for a man, I can only speak of the female gender.) Over beer, billiards, and barbecue, my buddies and I have described the characteristics of what we call a Good Woman. (Now, to be sure, some of my friends probably don’t deserve a Good Woman, but that’s another story.) They have said they want a blonde, brunette, tall, short, slim, full-figured (guess what that means!), outgoing, indoors, outdoors, independent, dependent, etc., etc., etc., woman. Such broad and varied desires do nothing to set any criteria by which a man can check out any available applicants for the position of Mrs. Right, but, after more research, I have come up with a common denominator that all Good Women possess. What it comes down to is this (take careful notes): A Good Woman will reach over and unlock the door for her date after he has seated her and is walking around to his side. That’s it! A woman may possess all of the apparent characteristics that a guy likes, but if she doesn’t unlock the door for him, she doesn’t pass the litmus test. (Now, guys, if you don’t open the door for your date, you probably don’t rate a Good Woman.) Let me elaborate. A woman can wear pearls, diamonds and lace, or Wranglers with no pockets and lace-up Ropers…be intelligent, witty, pretty, or financially secure…it doesn’t matter. If she doesn’t unlock the door for her fellow, she’s not a Good Woman. What! Can it be that simple? Believe me, it is. Everything stems from the thoughtfulness and consideration of the simple act of reaching over, nice dress or not, and lifting the door lock button. Such an apparently and seemingly unimportant gesture on the part of a woman lifts her above the crowd. Also, a Good Woman can make this action speak volumes. I have had chill bumps from the sight of red-painted fingernails curled around the door lock stem, and a Good Woman can give me a look through the smoke-tinted driver’s side window that will light my fire. So, guys, throw away that automatic door unlocker you carry on your key chain. Open the door for your date and hold your breath while you cross to your side. Hopefully, you’ll look down and see the knob in the “up” position. Good luck!